I’d Really Rather You Didn’ts – The 8 Pastafarian Rules

As a follower of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster [FSM] I thought I would impart to you some of the basic guidelines for this church.

This set of rules (also known as the Eight Condiments) given to the pirate captain Mosey by the FSM himself provides the basic code of behavior for all Pastafarians. There were originally 10 rules, but Mosey dropped and broke two on his way down the mountain, which accounts for Pastafarians’ “relaxed” moral standards.

REF: Flying Spaghetti Monster Wiki

  • I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Act Like A Sanctimonious, Holier-Than-Thou Ass When Describing My Noodly Goodness.”
  • I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Use My Existence As A Means To Oppress, Subjugate, Punish, Eviscerate, And/Or, You Know, Be Mean To Others.”
  • I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Judge People For The Way They Look, Or How They Dress, Or The Way They Talk, Or, Well, Just Play Nice, Okay?”
  • I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Indulge In Conduct That Offends Yourself, Or Your Willing, Consenting Partner Of Legal Age AND Mental Maturity.”
  • I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Challenge The Bigoted, Misogynist, Hateful Ideas Of Others On An Empty Stomach.”
  • I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Build Multimillion-Dollar Churches/ Temples/Mosques/Shrines To My Noodly Goodness When The Money Could Be Better Spent (take your pick)
    • Ending Poverty,
    • Curing Diseases,
    • Living In Peace, Loving With Passion, And Lowering The Cost Of Cable.
  • I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Go Around Telling People I Talk To You.”
  • I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Do Unto Others As You Would Have Them Do Unto You If You Are Into, Um, Stuff That Uses A Lot Of Leather/Lubricant/Las Vegas. If the other person is into it, however (Pursuant To #4), then have at it!”

And if this tweaks your interest

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Published by

bzerob

I am an aging American Navy veteran with some very pointed and acidic opinions. Feel free to heed the warning and read on.

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